I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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