Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
