can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
