when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
