You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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