Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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