I must be too annoying 4 u.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
