I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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