I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
