just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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