The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize