I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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