Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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