If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
