im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
