There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
