I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
