i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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