Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
