best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
