I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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