I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just puked most of my soul out..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
