Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We just shotgunned beers for America
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
