I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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