Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
