im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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