So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
