I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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