Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize