I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
