Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
