butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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