In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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