I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
