it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
