let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize