thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
party gras won. party gras always wins.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize