I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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