two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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