I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
