I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
