i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
