gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
