U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
