C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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