I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
