me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize