i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
