You work out of a Hotel?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
