my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it was like eating out sand paper
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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