I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
