there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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