There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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