She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
