Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
