dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
