The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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