no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
