Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
