***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
"it" just moved
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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