The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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