I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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