I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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