Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
