I'm drive I can fine osifer
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
