I smell stomach acid.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
