So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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