I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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