can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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