just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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