you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
