If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
