I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
