Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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