im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
